Totally Tits!

That's one of my favorite sayings. I like it because it makes me think of tits.





I like tits.

Dr. Venture for President

I started fucking with some of my more conservative friends on face book about this whole Obama in Massachusetts thing. I stated that I don't give a fuck about any of it. They took this to mean that I don't care about this country, the economy, the overall state of the world, and whether or not Jesus is going to show up to save out asses. What I really meant was that I don't care what they think. Furthermore, if I am so inclined, I will post something to fuck with their opinions no matter what they are. Boy, they'd be really pissed if I told them what I think of organized religion. I'm not a misogynist like Paul- I loves the pussy too much for the hatin'.

Don't get me wrong I do actually have my own opinions, but I don't think that they matter to anybody but me.

So. The wife is away with her cousin in Lexington, KY to hang out. Hopefully she will get the break that she wanted and come back a happier, healthier Mrs.

Anyway, here I sit. Alone with the dog and only the light of the computer screen to keep me company. I have, however, found the solution to all of my problems. This is also a solution that I believe can help you. I feel that this short video has summed up the teachings of the Buddha and the eternal Doa all in one. Please watch this and enjoy. I think that you will be enlightened.

Show Me Your Genitals (Jon Lajoie) - watch more funny videos

Oh, wait. No, that's not it. Yeah, it's this one. But hey, you can still show me your female genitals if you want to. I don't mind.

Yeah, here's the one on Doaism.

Not Giving a Fuck (Jon Lajoie) - watch more funny videos

Not giving a fuck is AWESOME! Budddha tested and Jesus approved! Loa Tzu would like it also, but he didn't even give enough of a fuck to watch the video.

Gots' to Get My Sweerve On.

On January 24 I will be 35 years old. And I don't really give a shit that I'm older. For some people birthdays have a special form of neuroses all their own, but for me it's a day all about me- and I'm okay with that. I only get pissed when the day isn't all about me.

I know I haven't blogged in a while, but I haven't really had much all that interesting to say. I'm working my ass off, but business is going well. As far as I can tell my marriage is going well. The exchange student is working out fine. Well, she is a teetotaler, and therefore as you know is cramping my style. No more sending the kids upstairs so I can perform drunken cunnilingus on the wife while she watches House Hunters International. The International part is important when performing television viewing mustache rides. FYI.

In our case she likes to wear her love making socks.



I'm more of a two hour kinda guy. Because two hours of freak is better then one, ya know what I'm sayin'? That's right.

So, uh, fuck you I'm drinking whiskey as we speak.

Men Who Stare at Goats and then Fuck them When They're Not Looking.

I'll have you know that I have never in all my years fucked a goat nor any other beast. Not due to any great moral values, more a lack of opportunity having grown up in suburbia. And it seems that now that I do have some mild form of morality I find the idea of goat fucking rather lacking.



However, though in the above mentioned film there was a preponderance of goats and many, many characters of- shall we say- dubious connection to reality there was no real evidence of actual goat fucking. But between you and I, I have my doubts about Jeff Bridges character.

After drinking two pitchers of beer while watching the movie and then driving home, the Mrs. and I then discussed the concept of international evil with the exchange student. It seemed that some of the American high school kids were making fun of the Holocaust. Being from France, our student simply could not fathom such behavior. Nor can I, once again I feel let down by America's youth and our educational system. The many lessons of history, even those from not so long ago, are yet again lost. This is to be expected as the WWII generation is all but gone, but it is still disheartening.

Then the Mrs. and I took off and had freaky sex for about two hours, this time with a bottle of oil. You'd be surprised how far one ounce of oil can go.

Happy Birthday.

Friday is the Mrs. birthday. Unfortunately, she is completely laid up with an inflamed, fucked up lower back, pinching a nerve and leading to severe sciatica. Fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

We are still going to drive down to my parents house for some free birthday babysitting, but I don't think we are going to have the freaky ass sex filled exhibitionist weekend I was hoping for.

Here's what is going to happen: we are going to drive down there, hang out, watch some tv, drink a few beers, eat dinner, have her birthday cherry pie, and well, that's about it.

Here's what I would like to have happen and probably would have without her injury: We drive down there. Sit politely for the birthday pie. Get the fuck out of the house for a romantical birthday dinner somewhere with lots and lots of drinks. Go to a bar and talk, sneak her into a an ally in the bar corridor for a little making out and maybe more. Get in the car and go parking somewhere for a front seat blowjob and some back seat and then hood fucking. Then back to the house for some sex in my childhood bedroom. Then out to the 14th fairway for some fairway sex. Then sneak naked past my parents room (from the outside) back upstairs to my room to pass out.





Then to wake up for a well earned cup o coffee or ten.

Here's what I think.

In other news, we have a French exchange student. Good kid. Today we took her to the Cherokee Reservation so she could truly see what horrible, warlike assholes us Americans are. Cherokee has an excellent museum, which we went to, an authentic type village, which we did not go to, a theatrical presentation called "Unto These Hills", which we missed, and a Casino, which we also missed. So we did very little while there. We did hit a tourist trap, and of the hundreds of people there we think we saw a real Cherokee working at a coffee shop.

www.Cherokee-NC.com

So it was a successful day. I don't really have any funny stories or anything except to say that that fat Indian chick makes one hell of a good cappuccino .

Me No Likey.

So there I was. Sweating. Naked. Engaged in sexual activity. One of my favorite things in the universe. And then her hip went out. Not her fault, but damnit. Now my balls are about as blue as a blue whale.

Or you could watch this educational video if you need more help.

But that is another story.

I haven't done much blogging as of late, I've been busy. Let me catch you up on my life since my last post. As you know, I like to post about date night- but we haven't had any crazy ass dates. Damnit. Last night we went to see Zombieland- which was fucking awesome, right up there with Shawn of the Dead in my opinion.

But anyway, other than that. I've been working. A lot. Three jobs. My business, a side business, and I took a job as the Director of Operations at an Engineering Firm. They had a retarded three year old doing their marketing and systems development. Asshats.

Haven't had any really freaky, awesome sex since my last blog. Due entirely to the fact that the Mrs. has injured her back pretty seriously. Sadly, not in a sex related accident. Doing laundry in fact. Kinda sucks how you get hurt doing ordinary shit, and not fighting tigers or something. Oh well.

I moved the location of the business as I just couldn't afford the high rent. Now I have a better location with a better deal- so I'm happy about that.