Because Jesus Loves You.

I Done Went to China....

And when they opened up the plane it was five minutes before the empty beer cans stopped hitting the ground.

China is a filthy place. Polluted. I doubt if the people there realize how absolutely filthy the air is.

So there was this dude from Oregon at the conference I was at named Brian. This is in fact his real name, and yes it is that Brian you are thinking of. After the second day Brian decides he wants to get a massage at the hotel we're all staying at. So he goes down to the 3rd floor and, looking at the price chart, decides to get he most expensive one listed. After all, it's only about $50- right? So, being a typical Chinese Massage, it began with three dudes in speedos rubbing him down and ended in a happy ending. Brian was so excited to get said happy ending that he tried to draw it out as long as possible. So he says.

I didn't get a handjob while I was there. But I did learn that you can get a hooker for 450 rmb per half hour. I didn't get one of those either, though I did try to convince my room mate to fork out 450 so we could get two hookers to do a dyke show for us. He wouldn't bite.

Probably for the best.

Oh, no, wait. That's a cop. Eh, what the difference.