Anniversary Update: You stuck what where?

It was awesome little dudes.

Yesterday was our ninth or tenth anniversary, depending upon which country we are in. See, to get her visa into China I had to say we were married. So all of the paperwork in China says that we were married 10 years ago. However, we officially got married nine years ago in America.

I went to a great deal of trouble to make sure that I didn't have to work last night and booked somebody to sit for the kid.

I even walked in the door with a dozen roses. She seemed to like them, good sign.

When the sitter arrived we hot tailed it to PF Chang's for dinner before the movie. Had a few drinks and dinner- it was great. Here things loosened up nicely and the evening was off to a great start- with which I was well pleased.

Then we walked over to the theatre to see the Hangover. It was awesomely hilarious, I highly recommend it. We also had a couple of beers in the theatre.

Upon walking to back to the car, we snuck around between buildings to make out while hiding from the security guard.

We went home, I took the sitter home (no, I didn't bust a move on her- she's our oldest daughters 15 year old best friend. That's just sick. Also, never fuck the help. They stop helping.)

Then the games began. To make a long, two straight hours of fucking, story short, well, I'm not going to tell you exactly what we did for two hours- but here is a materials list:

What tools do you need for a glorious anniversary?

Two ropes, one gag, one blindfold, and two dildos.

Also, important discovery: I do not like things stuck in my ass. Not at all. It's official.

Oddly enough, I woke up today with no hangover whatsoever and I have a very good idea of what took place last night. This will go down as a great anniversary with a great deal of sexual experimentation. It was awesome.

What's he doing to that poor orangutan?

Sorry I haven't been the most prolific of writers this summer- it's been crazy. Not the, "holy shit look how drunk he is, what's that he's jammed up his ass and what is he doing to that poor orangutan" crazy.










No, more like the "fuck, I'm busy as hell and we've traveled a lot" crazy. Speaking of traveling a lot, I just got back from our annual vacation in Ft. Lauderdale, Fl.

As some of you who follow me on twitter know, though I did get laid, I didn't get laid nearly as much as I would have liked. You see, there was a small problem with having the youngest kid sleeping in the same room with us. Now I know what you're thinking- the same thing I am to be sure-

Who the fuck cares? She was asleep right?

Well, for parts of the trip the Mrs. didn't see eye to eye with us (us meaning me and you- not a third party in the bedroom.... Unless you want to join us in the bedroom. Then there is a rigorous interview process in which I film myself sticking my winky into your dinky repeatedly and see what the wifey thinks. Probably won't go over so well.)

You know, I want to get a beer right now, but I think I'll hold off and go to the book store in a bit. Anyway....back to the story. I was distracted thinking about winkies and dinkies.

So anyway, she didn't wanna fuck with the kid asleep right there in the little bed next to us. I said, "but honey schnookums lovey bunny, don't you remember that time we got drunk and were naked fucking on the kitchen counter and she walked in and asked us where our pajamas were? I know it was completely mortifying and we probably scarred her for life, in fact I personally am scarred by it, but let's forget about that right now."

She didn't buy my argument at first. But then one morning I woke her up at 3:47AM by rubbing her cookie and she said, "you sonofabitch. If I can't get back to sleep after this I am going to kill you. I mean really, with a salad spoon."

So I took that to mean, "come on baby, I'm so hot and horny for you that I can barely stand it and I want you to cum on my tits right now you dirty bad boy!" So I hopped on and was done by 4:10AM.

After she made sure that I got a bit of nookie before we went to sleep just so I would leave her alone. I consider that to be one of life's major successes. It was like we had a respectful and loving marital discussion where we talked about out thoughts, wants, needs, and deepest desires and then we made them happen. She wanted to sleep and I wanted pussy. It was beautiful, really.

It was a good thing we came to that accord- I was about to wrap the chihuahua up in duct tape and turn it into a fi fi.

But enough about that, let's talk about the rest of the vacation- it was great!

In summary, we saw a couple of movies, ate out a lot, and generally hung out with her family (I like them by the way) and had fun. The two highlights of the trip were going to a vineyard that makes wine out of various fruits such as starfruit, mango, etc. It is extraordinarily awesome, check it out at http://www.schneblywinery.com/. It's in Homestead, Fl. We did a wine tasting and then got a bottle to just sit around and drink. It was super sweet.

Later that same day we went with my sister- in- law to the Hard Rock Casino in Hollywood, Fl. Here they have a piano bar, an Irish pub, a few clubs, a comedy club, a bunch of shops, a billiards bar... it was great.

The two girls got fairly schnockered while I stayed sober to drive home. I did have a beer or two- but only that. I was hoping to get them drunk enough for a threesome- but that didn't happen. Oh well. Probably because the Mrs. told me on no uncertain terms that I am not allowed to try to stick my dick in any of her sisters. This was an agreement very early on in our relationship.

Cut to a flashback from ten or so years ago. Imagine me younger, better looking, more muscular, and still with that vibrant smile of youth not yet beaten out of me by life. Imagine my wife still hot as balls- just like she is now....

I said, "so wait a minute- you're saying that it would be weird for me to stick my dingy in your sisters pinky?"

And she said "yes, I am saying that you cannot do whatever the fuck you just said."

Then I said, pointing to another lady across the store we were in, "what about her? Can I stick my doodle in her diddle?"

The Mrs. said, "I'm going to kill you with a salad spoon." So I let it drop. I feel we discussed that adequately and the answer is a resounding hell no on both counts. This shall not be revisited.

Later she pointed out a woman who looking like a cross between Lars Ulrich and Chewbacca and said I could pop her pokey if I could get past the fur. I thought about it and declined.

Okay, that whole thing about fucking her sister and chewy didn't really happen. I was just making conversation.

Back to our present story.


So we had a great night drinking and partying at the hard rock, and then went home. I did get some poontang (the Mrs.) that evening and it was lovely, I assure you.

Then I flew back up here and have spent this past week working 10 hour days while they hung out for one more week. The girls were thinking about staying all summer down there, but I'm really, really glad that they are not.