Laura and I.

Damn, this is something I would do.

I admit that I like the above version of Laura Croft better than this one.

Though I wouldn't mind pretending it was this one.

Or shit, while we're pretending to wank off, let's go for the gusto. How about her.

So, anyway. I dropped off the tee-totaling French kid in Charlotte for the weekend. I feel like a kid who's parents are gone for the weekend. So I did what any rational teenager would do when his or her parents are away. I took my girl to a movie, drank two pitchers of beer while watching the Wolfman, stopped by a quickie mart for more beer, and then took her home for some hard core bondage style fucking. Rope can be your friend.

It's all because I am long and strong and down to get the friction on.

My Cock and Balls.

Women will sometimes ask about how big my cock and balls are. There are two problems with this question. One, truthfully my cock and balls are fairly average in size and two, I obviously didn't get her drunk enough.

My theory when I was in the game was that if I attempted to shag petit women I could aid in the acceptability of the size of my pecker as well as the expediency with which I can get her drunk.

I mean come on, to a pigmy six inches is fucking huge.

At a Medium Pace.

I was just thinking about both of my loyal followers and wanted to find a song to express how I feel about you. It's really your support, kind thoughts and prayers to 6 lb 7oz dear lord baby Jesus that keep me going. So here's to you, hot babe loyal followers.

Yes, that was for you. I think we should hug or something.

Radda Radda Radda Radda. And Shit.

Schnitzel is pretty cool.

Okay, no lame ass political rants- I promise. I don't know what came over me. I didn't get laid for a couple of days over the Mrs. "special time in the red tent" and next thing you know I started thinking about less important things than freaky sex. But I'm all better now.

Freaky sex is important- in the immortal words of the Sheriff:

Words to live by.

I really have nothing important to say, something that I think both of my reads will appreciate. I recently noticed that I lost a reader, giving me a 33% decrease in readership. This would be very negative if this were a business. However, this is actually worse as the reader I lost is the one who posted pictures of her tits in every blog. Sad really. I liked looking at her tits.

The bird.

This is cool. Wiki the bird.

What do you mean I can't shoot people?

Here are my actual political views that I generally don't share. Don't bother arguing your point of view with me. I don't really care what you think.

1) For the first time in my life I voted for a Democrat for President, Obama. My favorite candidate was actually Ron Paul. I didn't think he would be a good president, but by and large I liked what he had to say. I didn't vote for McCain for two reasons- I think he's too aggressive and reactionary and I think Sarah Palin was evidence of that. I don't think she's stupid, but I think she was in no way ready for the international stage. Bush was a fucking shitmonkey.

2) Am I happy with my choice of Obama? Not really. For example, I am a huge proponent of health care reform, but I think we should reform the system that we already have- not gut it and do something completely different. Simply because what we have right now is broken, but we know exactly how it is broken. By implementing something totally different we would just get a bunch of problems that we haven't experienced before and be broken again. I did vote for him to shake things up, leading us away from the conservative Christian government we had before- but I think it's not working.

3) And this is a big one, we are Americans. We might disagree about a lot of things, but in the end we are Americans. Our nation is falling because we have become fat, lazy, and stupid. All because of our own selfishness. We as a people have allowed things to get way out of hand and as a result we are giving up our civil liberties left and right. The American Revelation was started because we were pissed about 5% taxation. What the fuck is happening now?

4) Our current "wars." I support our troops 100%, but our leaders who sent them overseas are douche bags. we have the finest military the world has ever seen. But the Military is a weapon. Like any weapon, it will reliably kill whatever it is pointed at. The way I see it, there are two reasons to go to war: 1)An immediate threat to our nation or 2) out of a desire to conquer and increase our holdings. Now I get why we invaded Afghanistan. The American people demanded blood, so Bush had to give it to them. Simple as that. I honestly don't know if the blood we got was the right blood or not. Our invasion of Iraq was more to do with #2, and I'm okay with that- but let's call a spade a spade. We invaded both countries to get to the oil reserves and pipelines. Okay, cool. What's the big fucking deal?

5) As a nation we are fat, stupid, selfish, and generally not worth pissing in a boot for. And we choose to be this way. Get up off of your fat fucking ass and do something. If you are not happy with who and what you are, shut the fuck up. You did this to yourself in many ways. Don't fucking whine to me, get to work. Maybe our government has gotten so out of hand that we can't do anything about it, but it'll collapse under it's own weight anyway- and good riddance. But what are you doing for you? America is the greatest prison in the world because most Americans actually think that they are free. You are not. You are imprisoned by your greed and selfishness. You are imprisoned by credit cards, McDonald's, Wal-Mart, and most of all your own selfish belief that you are free. You believe that freedom has been achieved, and therefore you turn your back on it like it's a job done and over. That's why you are not free. You are a prisoner of yourself. Asshole.

In the end, you are a prisoner of your own mind.

Totally Tits!

That's one of my favorite sayings. I like it because it makes me think of tits.





I like tits.