So....what now?

So. Here I sit. I haven't blogged in a bit. Fortunately, nobody reads this so it's not that big of a deal. Since I am sitting here half drunk, I have a few things to reveal to those of you who are not reading. First, I really, really like sweet martinis. Don't let the sweet part fool you- they are not a girly drink.

Next, naked women are pretty damn awesome in my opinion. I really like hard nipples. What can I say? I'm a realist. Also, I like real womens breasts. Not fake. Not those perky things of an 18 year old child. I mean real breasts.

Next, I have written and erased probably five different blogs since my last posting. Chicken? Maybe. Cowardly? Definitely. I had a lot on my mind as you can surmise from the previous blogs. By the way, as for that I have come to a conclusion. I am going to do everything within my power to change my focus to my marriage. Previously I was focused soley on business. I do not presume to make massive changes with who and what I am- I don't think it's really possible. But I can and have changed my focus. I am now focusing on my marriage. If my wife is too broken down and does not feel the same way I understand but it is out of my hands. She will make the choices that she will make and that is that.

If all she wants to do is go out and shag somebody else and then come home to have a happy marriage and family life that's fine. Hell, me too. I wonder if women can treat sex like men do? Just sex. Everything that everybody has ever told me would say no. But I don't really have any idea. Once again, I'll have to play it by ear. If that is something that she can do I don't give a damn. Any hot chicks interested in a good shagging with me, by the way?

In that regard, I'm concerned that I no longer have the ability to pick up women. I used to be something of a ladies man when I was younger- at least finding a charming young woman for the evening was never a problem for me. Do I still have that ability? I don't know.

So many questions. So few answers. I feel like a punch drunk boxer. Dead kid (uppercut- I'm staggering and can't see straight), business floods in sewage (hook to the head- I go down and get up at the eight count for no reason), best friend fucks me over in business like a sheep behind a fence (ear bit- you fucking cockbag!), bankruptcy (jab, jab, jab, jab- who the fuck is throwing those?) Okay....we're all clear....I see the light at the end of the tunnel...life is shaping up....I become more involved with the family...I implement a friday date night...what else can I do to get life in order? Things are looking up....oh no Tony, you may not have a pony! BAM! "You know, I love you but I'm not in love with you." "I think I might want to leave you because you don't contribute to our realationship."

Laying down in the ring looking up at the lights. Everybody is yelling something. I don't fucking care. Do I want to even get up? The reason I have kept on getting up every other time is now gone.

Jesus Fucking Christ. Now she is home and everything is hunky dorey. Has been for two weeks now. What the fuck does that mean? She says she wants to leave me and then now we are great? BULLSHIT. What the fuck is going on here?

Again, all I can do is work on developing my relationship skills. If she wants to stay with me great, I would be happy. If she does not, that is not great- but I understand. Time will tell.